Tuesday, October 09, 2012

The identity project - Part 1

Being homeless for a while really taught me a lot and it is not so much of not having my own place to stay, but once again to need to stay with someone in the same room (since i have to give up my old room because i am suppose to be finished with my bachelor studies), being aware that every move that i make is being watched etc etc. And surprisingly, it is not too bad at all. To have someone to talk to all the time, to tell someone the things that i always thought no one will be interested, to be rest assure that i can fully be 'myself' and not care how would people judge the things i said (it helps when the temporary roomie is a little girl who loves to listen to stories) and the idea of letting people into my world and fear of exposing every weaknesses that i have doesn't have a strong hold on me anymore.

Having an identity helps to overcome the fear of exposing one's weaknesses and vice versa. Yes, once i overcome the fear of exposing my weaknesses, i begin to find my own identity. I am able to face myself and my weaknesses and accepting them as being part of me. Of course it comes with a cost, that people outside will notice the weaknesses and start reminding me again of them. And it really hurts. A lot. And this is the tricky part, once i realise tat i m being hurt, i begin to think of ways to avoid being hurt which resents to trying to cover up the weaknesses again, which defeats the whole purpose of the identity project.

The identity project? What is it? It is a very cool name that i thought of for the series i want to blog after this. One of the topic that i really put effort in learning especially throughout the years of my studies here in Germany is "Will the real Pat(ricia) please stand up aka Who am I?" and it is time that i summarise what i've learnt in forms that can help other people realise their identity as well.

Signing off,
The importance of being Pat

1 comment:

lettersfromlaunna said...

This is very insightful Pat, I am going through the same thing right now... exposing myself in hopes of healing myself and really praying that it doesn't hurt more than it eventually helps:)