To-do-list in Bali

1. Wake up to see the sun rise and if possible dolphins!
2. Get a tan (which will be quite impossible wif my spf120 sunblock)
3. Attempt to hold my breath under water for more than 30 secs (well for someone who can't swim, i am allowed to have fun even in water)
4. Check out hot surfer dudes :)
5. Try out some defecated rodent coffee (ewww...)
6. Try out massage n spas
7. What's a visit to Bali without trying out babi guling?
8. Get lost somewhere
9. Find my fav spot on the island
10. Walk down the streets of Bali wearing school uniform! coz bikinis are just too mainstream... haha

This post is purely just to show off! counting down  4  2 days to Bali! :]

Things to avoid during this month

1.  Don't blow my nose out loud in public.
2.  Don't start speaking German to all angmohs i see.
3.  Don't stop at the right side of the escalator.

Ah feel like a stranger at KLIA. The only language that ppl can understand me is when i speak malay, the rest speak only cantonese which i refuse and cannot converse in. 6 hours to go and i smell like a horse. (ewww) Thanks to those who follow me throughout my journey. Your absence might be unknown but thanks for being there. and a wise man once said, (me lah)

I wish I can go somewhere and just get lost. Because the only people who ever get any interesting place are the people who get lost.

Things i learn during the flight back home.

1.  Count your blessings
The thing about flying from munich is already a blessing itself since i usually fly back from frankfurt and what actually happen is this time i bought the ticket which requires me to fly from munich when there was a huge strike in frankfurt airport. But of coz, like murphy said, if it's deem to happen, it.will.happen. It's just a matter of perspective. So instead of being delayed because of the strike, the flight was indeed delayed n my worst nightmare was confirmed when a utility truck actually hit the A380 i m suppose to board and thus leads to missing all possible connecting flights.

2. Dubai airport
it is quite impossible to walk from one end of the airport to the other end without having major leg pain n cramps. I overestimated myself when i decided to do some sport since i will be spending 7 hours at the airport due to unforeseen circumstances (plz refer to the first point above) and i also found out that it is better to walk on the left compare to the right side due to the vast existence of europeans at the airport.

3. Talking to random strangers will make them ur bffs throughout the journey
In Munich, i was sitting alone sulking at the corner when i got approached by some pretty hot blondies. It started of with me mentioning about exams and then everyone started to shout in joy as they just finish their final papers yesterday. Then later we shared all sorts of theories behind the delay and it was a lot of fun in the midst of the unpleasant delay.
And in Dubai, as i was holding my red toshiba laptop with dangling charger everywhere looking for the most optimum place with the best internet connection and source of power, i met people who are like me, stranded and with dying laptops n smartphones. And this brought us into an unspeakable bond as we look at each other like brothers and sisters. We even took turns taking naps while the other take care of all the gadgets.
The funny thing is i don't know any names of the bffs.

4. Random ppl who pops out at the unlikely hours are lifesavers
Thanks to those who had to endure my whinings throughout the journey and simply be there to keep me out of my boredom.

5. How to react during the moment of life n death (almost)
So sometimes i do things too quickly and sometimes i just like to take my own sweet time to do sth. Both has it consequences and often i regret when i do sth too quickly and when i took too much time to decide on sth small. It's really hard to determine where the balance is n most of the time i have been swaying between 2 extremes. I do notice that this time i m still a bit hasty.

Updates :  At the point of writing this post, i am still stranded in Dubai. I swear i know the airport so well that i know how many mcds n burger king are there.

What's so special...

about 14.02.2012?

yup u got it right, it's not about the flowers or the chocolates, it marks the end of my 6th Sem or third year of my uni life. What better way to celebrate V-day than the official end of my semester after writing my last exam paper on this day itself! Not to mention that i will be flying back in 2 days time, away from this late, cold winter!

Looking back, i cannot believe that i've made it this far. 4th year mechanical engineering student soon, wow! And still surviving! Kinda want to remain a student for a while. Lately i have been preparing my parents that they might need to wait a bit till i graduate for good coz i m considering doing my PHD and then go back to my small, humble town of Sibu to work at grandpa's grocery shop. haha.

I remember blogging about the start of this semester after my internship and here am i blogging about the end of the semester already. Looking back, a lot of things has happen throughout the sem, good and bad, and some things i need to unlearn n relearn again, things lost and found, gain new friends and had to let go a few ppl out of my life and many more.

Looking forward to the new semester, i will be expecting more things to happen, life changing perhaps yet so uncertain. Being a control freak, i must admit that i am scared of the coming semester, so many unknowns out there ready to be revealed and new opportunities to be discovered. I am not too sure whether i should pro-actively go all out to seek the future or is it a time to learn how to just sit there and observe as the masterplan slowly unveils.

I'm ready for the big surprise! Bring it on!

我可不可以不勇敢?

【几米语录】每一次我都说，没事，我行。我总带着坚强的微笑，一副永远勇敢的样子， 可这一次，我想说，我可不可以不勇敢?我只是小心翼翼地问了自己， 然后又带着坚强的表情，勇敢了一次。他们都赞许地微笑了。

If...

Keep running!

If to distant lands I scatter
If I sail to farthest seas
Would you find and firm and gather 
'til I only dwell in Thee?

If I flee from greenest pastures
Would you leave to look for me?
Forfeit glory to come after
'Til I only dwell in Thee

If my heart has one ambition
If my soul one goal to seek
This my solitary vision 
'til I only dwell in Thee

Hymm - Brooke Fraser

Where do I stand?

Lately i have been pondering a lot on this - where do i stand, in my family, in my studies, in my different surroundings eg Uni friends and my other Malaysian friends, as a senior or junior, and my other secret identity as a co-leader in my housechurch (ok now not so secret anymore) to my team and my other leaders. It's confusing, often when i stop and ponder and stare and let everything settle down and rethink again, it really doesn't bring me any further, i mean things might reveal themselves slowly but if i juz stood there and got stuck, what's the point? The fact is, keep walking, keep trusting and don't stop n stare too long.

As the germans say, macht weiter!

What is the motivation behind?

The famous inscription on the main entrance to the former concentration camp of Dachau

Ya so i have been visiting this place during the weekend. I don't really have any expectations before i went, but after the trip i start to ask myself, what is the motivation behind ppl(me) who actually visit places like this. For example, if you plan a trip to China, you will automatically go to Beijing to visit the great wall of China because they say if u never seen a section of the great wall, u have never been to China. So wat about visiting concentration camps? Why do visitors have the interest to join a tour of any concentration camps?

Well if you are expecting answers for me, technically it's juz pure curiosity that brings me to this place, i wanted to see it out of Germany's point of view since i've been to one in Poland. But if i were to ask myself about the motivation behind visiting this-sad-place, i still need time to think about it. It's such a mixture of feelings deep inside me towards mankind.

Lately, I've been dealing wif a lot of raging hormones and overwhelming mental activites. When i thought i can't stand it anymore because i magnify every single feeling and emotions and that's why it become so overwhelimg, i am reminded once again, that it is a wacky world we're living in. Why not take everything like a pinch of salt and really, for once, just learn how to let go and let God. Going without knowing - i desperately need to learn that.

another list...

oh i juz love to make list, *glancing at the never-ending-to-do-lists on my wall... *gulps

1.  Guess what, i actually got half of the things done from the previous list! (pat Pat on the back)
2.  I should really finish reading at least 1 book out of the 5 on-going books tat i have been reading since the day i bought them
3.  Omg it's December already???!!! need ideas for christmas presents!
5.  Everyone wants to be part of sth significant and impactful don't they?
5.  I shall stop here and continue revising for my Lab-exam in 1 n half hour (u mean u got exam for ur Labs???!!)

as you can see, the list is not so list-y because first of all, it doesn't have a title, and second, it's juz some random stuff i wanted to post about but i forgot due to the hectic schedule this sem, i look forward to the day when i can pat myself on the back and say 'well done'

list of things i try so hard to find

but failed...

1.  My lost snow cap (still refuse to accept the fact tat it is gone, forever!)
2.  A perfect dress for a wedding
3.  A sweater that scream 'BUY ME!'
4.  Double eye lid tape/glue
5.  A pair of shoes that keep my cold feet warm yet look chic (most winter shoes are ugly!)
6.  Unagi rice! (been craving for this since i dunno when, and the craving just won't die down)
7.  Motivation to clean up my room (it has been like that since i move back last month, i am really not the neat type, and the room is making me more depressed!)
8.  More money (anyone could use some extra cash right?)
9.  A company to do my bachelor thesis (YES, i am THAT desperate)
10.  A machine/person that can help me wif the above mentioned things.

How to love and not be loved?

Small talk
Was on skype wif my youngest bro for nearly 2 hours. Nowadays with technology, i tend to forget when is the last time i see him face to face, was it 2 years ago? and with the other sister who is currently in Sydney, i cannot recall when is the last time i saw her in reality, not virtually?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

love and not be loved (back)
as weak humans, it's always easier to love ppl who love you than to love ppl who don love you back.
as christians, it's always to love ppl first, then don care about the outcome.
being both, it's kinda contradicting.

but it cannot be, because in 1:John 4:8 it says, 'Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.'


So how exactly can we love and (not) be loved
1 John 4:19 - We love because he first loved us.

having said all that, it's after all, only head knowledge. It's the application of it that counts.  Some people just talk and never do it.  Well at least i talk about it, unlike ppl who don bother?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Outro
I juz realised tat i am a very complicated person (u mean u never knew this??? omg???) When i think that i can finally figure myself out, i realise it's another glass ceiling.  I don't really know what i want, where i wanna go (ok, maybe i do) what i wanna buy, what i wanna wear, it's time for a change!

Ring!

sorry for the long absence... the transition from being an intern to the only child at home and now back to normal student life has been affecting my normal routine...

things are different now, new phone (thanks dad!) new semester (erm no thanks!), new (old) hostel room, new subjects, new jacket (from pull and bear) and soon-to-be new shoes...

but some things juz stay same old same old... if i only knew who rang the freaking doorbell at 2:42am in the morning!!! it really juz bring me to a realisation tat i m back to the student life where the parties mark the start of a semester wif unconscious-but-still-moving-around-ppl ringing doorbells at night...

ah how i miss my student life! bring it on 6th sem!

How'd everything started?

with a spark of thought!

Went to a small concert during college with some friends.  It was organised by my church and different people were invited to perform, including one local artist from Sabah whose name i've forgotten. 

Hey what if one day i can organise something like this as well.

And so i did propose it.  Told people about my plan and encourage some close friends to prepare a performance or two.  Then Oprah spoke to me, yeah the Oprah Winfrey from TV.  She mentioned something on TV about making a difference in other people's life.  So the conviction sets in, yeah I should make it into a charity event! 

After saying a quiet prayer of repentence, the small unplug concert turns into a musical festival!  I can sell tickets and donate them to help the poor.  Foodstalls can be set up and all the sales goes to cnn's aid to stop human trafficking.

Before I knew it, everything has been put on hold.  Bottom line :  I may be losing my mind. 

Current situation : me vs Oprah - should I continue with my small casual event or start organising a Hillsong conference?

When will i ever be...

married?  nah just joking...

content is the word.  When will I ever be content?

As the first child of the family, i think i have first-born-syndrome. (duh!)
I tend to explore everything by myself since there's no one telling me what to do or what not to do.  I am a people-pleaser, my parents or even the whole family have great expectations on me and it is up to me to fulfill them. 

And lately in my daily walk as a christian, I unintentionally applied the traits mentioned above.  I am interested in how other leader do or see things so that I can imitate them.  I read books on how to know the will of God or I kiss dating goodbye to make sure I am doing it all right.  Every major decisions that I made, I spend most of my brain cells worrying and struggling to choose the 'right' one or to make it the 'right' one.

Micah 6:8:
“He hath showed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?”

Sounds simple.

Am I happy with where I am now?  When will I ever be content with myself, other people and everything else?

to let go or not to let go?

This post is the sequel to the previous one, inspired by the lovely and loud visitors (since there are 2 sibu-ians among them) when they were with me on saturday.

So this time it is Miss M, who I had a really really good conversation with. We manage to find time to squeeze in a sharing session in the middle of the night, after they cooked me supper - korean ramen with melting cheese on top (yummeh!) So as icebreaker, i asked her THE question and it naturally lead the conversation into the topic of BGR, so we discussed a bit of what our stands are , then it sort of went into a small sub-topic which really strikes me a lot - the asian church culture.  After being in Germany for nearly 3 years, i tend to forget how was it back then in Acts, when it is a cool n hip thing to go to church.  In Germany only nerds with no life who are not partying n getting drunk on weekends are free on a Sunday.

Back then, i most probably don't remember why i was there every Sunday, was it for the food after each service, the pumped up P&W sessions that left me tearing or the awesome people I get to serve with?  Even till today I struggle a lot with this, I felt so alone in this journey, I easily shun away from people whom i think are pulling me down and not building me up.  I really wish to have passionate people alongside with me, encouraging and consoling me when I feel like giving up.

I guess I am still not ready to let go of this hypocrisy in me.

Asking the hard questions - Part 3

W.H.Y?

Ok this is an extremely honest post so be prepared (for what?)

I am extremely pretend-ious when it comes to answering questions that will make myself look cool n funny(which will sound stupid after a while)

One of the most common question I get during my internship at SAX is “Why germany? Huaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii?”

And everytime I give different answers, depending on the people who asks and depending on different situations. (and also the mood of the day)

Btw these are not MCQs :

-         Germany boast of their best industrial (bcoz I got this scholarship)

-         Germany got so many powderful cars (bcoz my parents no money to send me to overseas and I don wan to go to form 6 coz I heard they butcher u there n sell ur meat for ppl to make paos)

-         Oh come on! Like this oso need to ask, if not germany where else???? Of course 100% germany!!! There’s no other place on earth to study mechanical! (if only I could turn back time…)

Oh how I m gonna miss my colleagues and my company, I mean who on earth pays u to write posts during work?

Asking the hard questions - Part 2

Why the difference?

I had a lovely bunch of visitors from Korea during the weekend and we had such a good time together.  Finally there's so many people to talk about my kpop obesessions and share our thoughts and views on the current boyband/girlgroup or variety shows, korean culture, language, food etc.

one of the visitors, Miss A used to be my junior during secondary school and this common thread would be the topic of our chats.  I remembered last time how i use to be so rebellious and will always do little little things to support my idea of silent rebel, eg eat in the classroom when it is banned, not wearing name tags when walking through the human barriers of prefects every morning then put it back once i walk pass them and it really bring back a lot of memories of how i spread my influence to my gang of bffs that time.  To be frank i am not proud of these memories.  I only look back at my past with a teeny weeny bit of shame because the things that i thought was cool back then deemed to be so childish now.  (my fingers and toes cringed at the thought of it... yer...)

Why the difference between then and now, i ask myself - only God knows.

Asking the hard questions - Part 1

note to self

i am the one on the left...



Would appreiciate a sunflower right now...



yes Pat, keep breathing...

Bersih (not my story...)

haha... i guess ppl are half expecting me to write sth on it, but i wasn't there, i cannot write from my second or maybe even third forth hand experience from other ppl but this article makes me feel like i was there...

Tolong amoi ini dulu!!!

as the author said at the end of her post, someone did win on 9th of July - Malaysia.

reading on #bersihstories on twitter forms both frown n laughter on my face... some are juz hilarious! i oweys enjoy a good laugh...
eg :  dad texted me saying don't go into pudu over 10,000 people are there. I replied ya dad I can see

and check out the photo where policemen n protesters are shaking hands... i guess i m proud to see the maturity of Malaysians, yeah we r getting there someday! 

My personal view :
Many of us wants to be part of sth important, and tat explains the people who actually attends it, who watch live updates behind their computer at home, who disagree with it and try to confuse ppl with anti-Bersih posts, who don give a-damn-because-it-is-none-of-my-business, who got the feeling of i-shud-be-there/whoa-thank-god-i-m-not-there after everything is over...  ppl strive to seek acknowledgement from sth... and i m glad tat ultimately, i only need to seek n please only one thing in this world... and everything tat i do can be derived out of love and grace from the one i seek...

My stand

in bersih,  of course i support the cause of it, to ask the Election Commission (EC) although not nicely, to conduct itself properly for the sake of democracy...

but of course (again), after witnessing a withdrawn post on a particular website *coughs from my sponsor *coughs i realise tat i don have a stand at all, i cannot and will not have the right to wear yellow shirt roaming around KL city on Saturday afternoon, to have a small logo of Bersih2.0 on my facebook profile pic and the fact tat i m risking myself writing sth on this not-to-be-named-issue on my publicly accessible blog is really gonna be a threat to my scholarship. hmmm... maybe i shud consider on withdrawing this post as well...

i wish i can be like the humble Malaysian poet, A Samad Said, who can write sth poetic about this issue (but later got arrested because of the poem so i shud be thankful tat i m not so poetic n still be able to keep my scholarship)

Last but not least, i wud like to share a poem by A Samad Said (not the one tat got him arrested but the one we all loved during Form 1 english literature class...)

He saw a dead crow
in a drain
near the Post Office,
He saw an old man
gasping for air
And a baby barely able to breathe
In a crowded morning clinic
This land is so rich
Why should we suffer like this?

I want clean air
For my grandchildren
I want the damned fools
To leave the forest alone,
I want the trees to grow,
The rivers run free
And the earth covered with grass.
Let the politicians plan how
we may live with dignity
Now and always