Tuesday, August 23, 2011

How'd everything started?

with a spark of thought!

Went to a small concert during college with some friends.  It was organised by my church and different people were invited to perform, including one local artist from Sabah whose name i've forgotten. 

Hey what if one day i can organise something like this as well.

And so i did propose it.  Told people about my plan and encourage some close friends to prepare a performance or two.  Then Oprah spoke to me, yeah the Oprah Winfrey from TV.  She mentioned something on TV about making a difference in other people's life.  So the conviction sets in, yeah I should make it into a charity event! 

After saying a quiet prayer of repentence, the small unplug concert turns into a musical festival!  I can sell tickets and donate them to help the poor.  Foodstalls can be set up and all the sales goes to cnn's aid to stop human trafficking.

Before I knew it, everything has been put on hold.  Bottom line :  I may be losing my mind. 

Current situation : me vs Oprah - should I continue with my small casual event or start organising a Hillsong conference?

Friday, August 19, 2011

When will i ever be...

married?  nah just joking...

content is the word.  When will I ever be content?

As the first child of the family, i think i have first-born-syndrome. (duh!)
I tend to explore everything by myself since there's no one telling me what to do or what not to do.  I am a people-pleaser, my parents or even the whole family have great expectations on me and it is up to me to fulfill them. 

And lately in my daily walk as a christian, I unintentionally applied the traits mentioned above.  I am interested in how other leader do or see things so that I can imitate them.  I read books on how to know the will of God or I kiss dating goodbye to make sure I am doing it all right.  Every major decisions that I made, I spend most of my brain cells worrying and struggling to choose the 'right' one or to make it the 'right' one.

Micah 6:8:
“He hath showed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?”

Sounds simple.

Am I happy with where I am now?  When will I ever be content with myself, other people and everything else?

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

to let go or not to let go?

This post is the sequel to the previous one, inspired by the lovely and loud visitors (since there are 2 sibu-ians among them) when they were with me on saturday.

So this time it is Miss M, who I had a really really good conversation with. We manage to find time to squeeze in a sharing session in the middle of the night, after they cooked me supper - korean ramen with melting cheese on top (yummeh!) So as icebreaker, i asked her THE question and it naturally lead the conversation into the topic of BGR, so we discussed a bit of what our stands are , then it sort of went into a small sub-topic which really strikes me a lot - the asian church culture.  After being in Germany for nearly 3 years, i tend to forget how was it back then in Acts, when it is a cool n hip thing to go to church.  In Germany only nerds with no life who are not partying n getting drunk on weekends are free on a Sunday.

Back then, i most probably don't remember why i was there every Sunday, was it for the food after each service, the pumped up P&W sessions that left me tearing or the awesome people I get to serve with?  Even till today I struggle a lot with this, I felt so alone in this journey, I easily shun away from people whom i think are pulling me down and not building me up.  I really wish to have passionate people alongside with me, encouraging and consoling me when I feel like giving up.

I guess I am still not ready to let go of this hypocrisy in me.

Asking the hard questions - Part 3

Tuesday, August 09, 2011


Ok this is an extremely honest post so be prepared (for what?)

I am extremely pretend-ious when it comes to answering questions that will make myself look cool n funny(which will sound stupid after a while)

One of the most common question I get during my internship at SAX is “Why germany? Huaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii?”

And everytime I give different answers, depending on the people who asks and depending on different situations. (and also the mood of the day)

Btw these are not MCQs :
-         Germany boast of their best industrial (bcoz I got this scholarship)
-         Germany got so many powderful cars (bcoz my parents no money to send me to overseas and I don wan to go to form 6 coz I heard they butcher u there n sell ur meat for ppl to make paos)
-         Oh come on! Like this oso need to ask, if not germany where else???? Of course 100% germany!!! There’s no other place on earth to study mechanical! (if only I could turn back time…)

Oh how I m gonna miss my colleagues and my company, I mean who on earth pays u to write posts during work?

Asking the hard questions - Part 2

Monday, August 08, 2011

Why the difference?

I had a lovely bunch of visitors from Korea during the weekend and we had such a good time together.  Finally there's so many people to talk about my kpop obesessions and share our thoughts and views on the current boyband/girlgroup or variety shows, korean culture, language, food etc.

one of the visitors, Miss A used to be my junior during secondary school and this common thread would be the topic of our chats.  I remembered last time how i use to be so rebellious and will always do little little things to support my idea of silent rebel, eg eat in the classroom when it is banned, not wearing name tags when walking through the human barriers of prefects every morning then put it back once i walk pass them and it really bring back a lot of memories of how i spread my influence to my gang of bffs that time.  To be frank i am not proud of these memories.  I only look back at my past with a teeny weeny bit of shame because the things that i thought was cool back then deemed to be so childish now.  (my fingers and toes cringed at the thought of it... yer...)

Why the difference between then and now, i ask myself - only God knows.

Asking the hard questions - Part 1