Tuesday, December 18, 2012

In life, in death

Reading through cnn and all the sad news of school kids being shot to death, usually saddens me. But this time, i m stronger than just fearing death itself. We can never know when death will come and take us away from the momentary earth. Just make sure we live a life of no regrets, seize every moment and do your best. If you are studying, go to every class. If you are watching youtube, watch every episodes. If you are serving in church, do your very best for God.

my deepest condolences goes out to all the parents, family and friends of those cute children and brave adults. not only in america, but in Syria, Palestine, Israel and all parts of the world. 

Sunday, December 02, 2012

The identity project - Being student

So it has been a month and a half since i started my masters at uni Stuttgart. Looking back at what i've 'achieved', i realise that it was nearly impossible - to be able to pass 6 subjects and finish writing a bachelor thesis - but whatever is impossible, is possible with God. I realised how i have been dragged along because i was so reluctant to believe that sth great is going to happen. I am reluctant to take risk, but somehow what i've experienced in the past 6 months is challenging my faith all over again. After all, faith is spellt R-I-S-K.

This time, i have the chance to experience student life all over again. The way I intended it to be without me realising it. I was reluctant to come to uni Stuttgart at first because i wanted to go to a better place(at least i was the only one who think so), a new place where i can start all over again with new people. But of course life will be less fun if we keep getting the things we wanted. How boring will it be?

Have a glimpse of my new uni!
so here i am feeling my life is as challenging as ever, thanks to my new identity as a university student!

Signing off,
The importance of being Pat

Tuesday, October 09, 2012

The identity project - Part 1

Being homeless for a while really taught me a lot and it is not so much of not having my own place to stay, but once again to need to stay with someone in the same room (since i have to give up my old room because i am suppose to be finished with my bachelor studies), being aware that every move that i make is being watched etc etc. And surprisingly, it is not too bad at all. To have someone to talk to all the time, to tell someone the things that i always thought no one will be interested, to be rest assure that i can fully be 'myself' and not care how would people judge the things i said (it helps when the temporary roomie is a little girl who loves to listen to stories) and the idea of letting people into my world and fear of exposing every weaknesses that i have doesn't have a strong hold on me anymore.

Having an identity helps to overcome the fear of exposing one's weaknesses and vice versa. Yes, once i overcome the fear of exposing my weaknesses, i begin to find my own identity. I am able to face myself and my weaknesses and accepting them as being part of me. Of course it comes with a cost, that people outside will notice the weaknesses and start reminding me again of them. And it really hurts. A lot. And this is the tricky part, once i realise tat i m being hurt, i begin to think of ways to avoid being hurt which resents to trying to cover up the weaknesses again, which defeats the whole purpose of the identity project.

The identity project? What is it? It is a very cool name that i thought of for the series i want to blog after this. One of the topic that i really put effort in learning especially throughout the years of my studies here in Germany is "Will the real Pat(ricia) please stand up aka Who am I?" and it is time that i summarise what i've learnt in forms that can help other people realise their identity as well.

Signing off,
The importance of being Pat

Monday, October 08, 2012

Fishes and Loaves

A dwelling place for the next 2 years in Stuttgart.
yup! after so many ups and downs (queuing up just to visit a house and competing with so many rich n famous people, communication with future housemates, struggling with thesis, inner conflicts etc etc) everything is set! When we are at our wits' end, it's when God says "O you of little faith, why do you doubt?" And God just got up and called the landlord to ask him to choose us to be the tenant among those with higher qualification than us and it was done! The End!

*360 degrees cartwheel jump with ending pose - fist in the air

weehoo! (but Lord can You please take care of the very expensive deposit *gulps as well!)

Saturday, August 25, 2012

10 things I haven't done yet since coming to Europe

1. Gotten drunk
You might ask, what's the definition of drunk? Is it waking up at the very next morning and totally forgot what happened the night before. Then no. The last attempt was chinese new year 3 years ago when i ended up losing half of my 'friends' and one week of red patches all over the body. Will definitely not give up anything for that experience again.
2. Gone to disneyland
I know, it's every child's dream to go there. I really wanted to go, but during the 2 times I was in Paris, i just feel like window shopping is the only thing i wanted to do. Don't mind going there in the future, but with someone who's very persistent to go. 
3. Gotten a piercing
To tell the truth, I've really considered it. There's even a funny story behind it and the topic was about a friend's baptism and somehow the topic of getting a piercing appear out of nowhere and we had a good laugh. And somehow the thought of having a piercing juz pass by like a wind.
4. Tried smoking weed
They say when in Amsterdam, do what's already legal there. But somehow i prefer the windmills and the flowers, van gogh, red light district, anne frank and last but not least the driving in the city centre(duh). Nearly all of my friends people that i've known who have been there (and i heard) they tried marijuana or space cakes (whatever u wan to replace the word drugs with) but I'm still too skeptical of smoking weed as a mean of showing off.
5. Gone camping
Don't get me wrong, i am a proud brownie and girl guide. I've learn them all - the signs, the flags, the knots etc etc. It's all in the head and let the scouts do them. However, i've heard that camping here in Europe is not like back in Malaysia where muddy floor and team building activities come to mind. So we will see.
6. Taken a bubble bath
Whenever i go to the Drogerie markt (literally translated to a drug store, not related to point 4 at all) where they have the whole section of bath salts and bath oils for all sorts of purpose, whether u are sick, stressed out or u juz wanna take bath etc. People here actually believe that soaking themselves in a bathtub helps. To me, that's a lot of wrinkled skin. 
7. Gone swimming in a swimming pool in summer
It's a trend to go to the swimming pool during summer. I've heard of stories of family outing, people going there to check out hot bikini babes/dudes but non to go swimming coz it will be so packed with people that all u do is juz soaking urself in the pool (see point 6) and the only time i've been to a swimming pool is when a fren was baptised during a church camp during winter (see point 3) and the biggest joke here is i don't even know how to swim.
8. Eat bread or potatoes as the main source of carborhydrate
Back in my hometown, i always think that i have this hippie trait in me that i am more western than the rest of the population. *smirk I think i have no idea that one day i will be in a country so west away and realise that deep inside me, i am juz as cina, if not more than all of the population. So the longest i can live is one week without rice, which was sort of being forced since it usually happen during a one-week church camp.
9. Donate my blood
I believe that none of us will say that we like needles. It is like a horror film to me. But i would like to overcome this fear because donating blood is for a good cause. But it will always remain a good cause only if I don't actually go do it!!!
10. I have to admit when it comes to point number 10, i am out of idea and instead of desperately come out with something just to fill up the list, i will be honest and tell u that there's only 9 things on my list. The things mentioned here, some i am proud of and some i am quite ashamed of. This post serves to be a pure entertainment post so if u find it funny, thank you for appreciating my humour! It's sth that i wanna learn, is to take an inspiring message and modify it to be funny, these are the things that i have in mind to tell people and also my big God and let Him be entertained!

Friday, August 10, 2012

How to live?

have been asking myself this question lately, how to live ur or my life?

some may say live ur life everyday like it is the last day - ok then i don't need to go to work on my stressful thesis anymore, start travel the world, call my parents back home and tell them i love them or tell the world that Jesus live. i mean if i wanna live like the world might gonna end soon then i might as well stop my thesis now coz wat's the use of it right when everyday is like the last day.

some will say, i don't really care whether the world will end. so right here right now what i can do is to continue what i am doing, go to class, go to work, do my everyday stuff, go to bed, wake up, brush my teeth and the day starts and the day ends.

I have come to the conclusion, why not do both? live everyday like tomorrow's gonna end and i don't really care when the world will end coz i noe where i will be going and have been storing treasures there already (i really hope i will be rich enough when the day came)

2 cents worth of self-motivating post.

Thursday, July 26, 2012




Saturday, July 21, 2012

Running in circles

Let your Word over my mind claim the win
For the truth I own is but a thimble.
Let me speak of Truth with true Love within
Lest I sound the gong and crash the cymbal.

quote from here

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Coward vs Noble

2 hours to Germany beating the Italians in the semi final of Euro Cup 2012, ran-dom i noe. Ze Germans must win this year!!! roar!

anyway, what's with the sudden enthusiasm over football? Ever heard of distractions? Yup, i m trying to distract myself from my oh-i-m-so-stress-i-m-gonna-die and oh-i-must-make-the-right-decisions-if-not-i-m-gonna-die mood.

Allow me to explain more.

So there's this situation that awaits a decision. For example (just an example, not a real life problem) - where to do my masters for next semester. So after some brain wrecking sessions trying to figure out the right place to go, the cycle starts. My brain will start having some counter attack thoughts - Yeah but... what about...? and all this thoughts starts to brew sth inside me. They sounds like the best intentions when i am just too scared to do what i should. It allows me to be a coward, while sounding noble.

What is the life that i've always wanted? I m not too sure anymore. Is it about being in the student body, to travel the world, to dye my hair red, to date a hot blond guy wif blue eyes, to be able to score less than 2,5 in my bachelor degree, to get into a master programme in a big city, to get a good job after i graduate, to go on a mission trip etc etc?

I don have the answers to all the questions above, but one thing i do know is i know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Signing off
Courage the cowardly Pat

Wednesday, May 23, 2012


i don't know whether it's just me but i think i've just developed a fear of quarter life crisis (if i were to live until 100 years old) Everything that happens around me seems so surreal and it is just weird. Here is a list of unbelievable events :

1.  I might be a mechanical engineer graduate soon! (if i manage to pass 6 papers and finish building my solar cooker)
2.  My youngest brother is going off to uni too.
3.  Hearing my parents discussing about buying 2 new single beds (for themselves)
4.  Start listing 25 things that I should do before I turn 25 and actually doing them
5.  Start thinking of the possibility of going on a hiking trip with my Tibet-fanatic-dad
etc etc and the list goes on

Guess what? The most unbelievable thing of all is that I am actually going to London next week! Like you, i never realise the significant of this trip to London until I was chatting with a friend and we talk about our childhood dreams and suddenly the thought hits me. I did, 7 years ago, wrote in my high school year book about my dream, one of them is to go to London in 2012 to watch olympics. Well i did not manage to become a volunteer for Olympic games this time but at least I.am.finally.going.to.London


Monday, May 14, 2012


Last weekend was no doubt the most memorable one i ever had in my life where  a wedding, mother's day and a redefined purpose all took place.

Yup the wedding, can't believe my ex house church leaders are getting married. It seems like yesterday only when they approach me n invite me to join them and i mistaken them for being siblings rather than a couple. To me they always seem to have this secret bond between them, like this blood connection that only siblings shared.
and they live happily ever after...
Last but not least, THE bible verse to share during a wedding. Contrary to popular belief, it does not talk only about love between a couple but most importantly the love between people, disciples especially :
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Tuesday, May 08, 2012

My Bersih Story

Nope i did not went to any event. It's just so coincidently happen that Bersih was held as the same day as the concert that was inspired by Oprah, yeah the Oprah Winfrey from the Oprah Winfrey show. Don't believe, check the poster below.

A proof that i wasn't in any Bersih event.

So this time, together with a few friends, we decided to do a Unplug 2.0 Why the 2.0 behind? beats me. i just think it sounds cooler. Nah, it's a continuation of what has been organised last time, we name the 'Hillsong conference' Unplug and we ran out of ideas what to name it again, so we add a 2.0 behind, like Nasi Lemak 2.0 and Bersih 3.0 (i hope everyone gets the joke)

Sorry for the lack of words in this post. Have been busy. *sigh i can't even find words to describe how busy i am.

By the way, one interesting comment i found on fb and i just had to copy n paste it here without consent from the author :

Kalau korang guna wang sendiri kesana lantak korangla...tapi kalau ditaja oleh kerajaan ...memang ko tak sedar dik untung...
This comment just leave me speechless. lantak lah

Monday, March 05, 2012

To-do-list in Bali

1. Wake up to see the sun rise and if possible dolphins!
2. Get a tan (which will be quite impossible wif my spf120 sunblock)
3. Attempt to hold my breath under water for more than 30 secs (well for someone who can't swim, i am allowed to have fun even in water)
4. Check out hot surfer dudes :)
5. Try out some defecated rodent coffee (ewww...)
6. Try out massage n spas
7. What's a visit to Bali without trying out babi guling?
8. Get lost somewhere
9. Find my fav spot on the island
10. Walk down the streets of Bali wearing school uniform! coz bikinis are just too mainstream... haha

This post is purely just to show off! counting down  4  2 days to Bali! :]

Friday, February 17, 2012

Things to avoid during this month

1.  Don't blow my nose out loud in public.
2.  Don't start speaking German to all angmohs i see.
3.  Don't stop at the right side of the escalator.

Ah feel like a stranger at KLIA. The only language that ppl can understand me is when i speak malay, the rest speak only cantonese which i refuse and cannot converse in. 6 hours to go and i smell like a horse. (ewww) Thanks to those who follow me throughout my journey. Your absence might be unknown but thanks for being there. and a wise man once said, (me lah)
I wish I can go somewhere and just get lost. Because the only people who ever get any interesting place are the people who get lost.

Things i learn during the flight back home.

1.  Count your blessings
The thing about flying from munich is already a blessing itself since i usually fly back from frankfurt and what actually happen is this time i bought the ticket which requires me to fly from munich when there was a huge strike in frankfurt airport. But of coz, like murphy said, if it's deem to happen, it.will.happen. It's just a matter of perspective. So instead of being delayed because of the strike, the flight was indeed delayed n my worst nightmare was confirmed when a utility truck actually hit the A380 i m suppose to board and thus leads to missing all possible connecting flights.

2. Dubai airport
it is quite impossible to walk from one end of the airport to the other end without having major leg pain n cramps. I overestimated myself when i decided to do some sport since i will be spending 7 hours at the airport due to unforeseen circumstances (plz refer to the first point above) and i also found out that it is better to walk on the left compare to the right side due to the vast existence of europeans at the airport.

3. Talking to random strangers will make them ur bffs throughout the journey
In Munich, i was sitting alone sulking at the corner when i got approached by some pretty hot blondies. It started of with me mentioning about exams and then everyone started to shout in joy as they just finish their final papers yesterday. Then later we shared all sorts of theories behind the delay and it was a lot of fun in the midst of the unpleasant delay.
And in Dubai, as i was holding my red toshiba laptop with dangling charger everywhere looking for the most optimum place with the best internet connection and source of power, i met people who are like me, stranded and with dying laptops n smartphones. And this brought us into an unspeakable bond as we look at each other like brothers and sisters. We even took turns taking naps while the other take care of all the gadgets.
The funny thing is i don't know any names of the bffs.

4. Random ppl who pops out at the unlikely hours are lifesavers
Thanks to those who had to endure my whinings throughout the journey and simply be there to keep me out of my boredom.

5. How to react during the moment of life n death (almost)
So sometimes i do things too quickly and sometimes i just like to take my own sweet time to do sth. Both has it consequences and often i regret when i do sth too quickly and when i took too much time to decide on sth small. It's really hard to determine where the balance is n most of the time i have been swaying between 2 extremes. I do notice that this time i m still a bit hasty.

Updates :  At the point of writing this post, i am still stranded in Dubai. I swear i know the airport so well that i know how many mcds n burger king are there.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

What's so special...

about 14.02.2012?

yup u got it right, it's not about the flowers or the chocolates, it marks the end of my 6th Sem or third year of my uni life. What better way to celebrate V-day than the official end of my semester after writing my last exam paper on this day itself! Not to mention that i will be flying back in 2 days time, away from this late, cold winter!

Looking back, i cannot believe that i've made it this far. 4th year mechanical engineering student soon, wow! And still surviving! Kinda want to remain a student for a while. Lately i have been preparing my parents that they might need to wait a bit till i graduate for good coz i m considering doing my PHD and then go back to my small, humble town of Sibu to work at grandpa's grocery shop. haha.

I remember blogging about the start of this semester after my internship and here am i blogging about the end of the semester already. Looking back, a lot of things has happen throughout the sem, good and bad, and some things i need to unlearn n relearn again, things lost and found, gain new friends and had to let go a few ppl out of my life and many more.

Looking forward to the new semester, i will be expecting more things to happen, life changing perhaps yet so uncertain. Being a control freak, i must admit that i am scared of the coming semester, so many unknowns out there ready to be revealed and new opportunities to be discovered. I am not too sure whether i should pro-actively go all out to seek the future or is it a time to learn how to just sit there and observe as the masterplan slowly unveils.

I'm ready for the big surprise! Bring it on!

Friday, February 10, 2012


【几米语录】每一次我都说,没事,我行。我总带着坚强的微笑,一副永远勇敢的样子, 可这一次,我想说,我可不可以不勇敢?我只是小心翼翼地问了自己, 然后又带着坚强的表情,勇敢了一次。他们都赞许地微笑了。

Friday, January 20, 2012


Keep running!
If to distant lands I scatter
If I sail to farthest seas
Would you find and firm and gather 
'til I only dwell in Thee?

If I flee from greenest pastures
Would you leave to look for me?
Forfeit glory to come after
'Til I only dwell in Thee

If my heart has one ambition
If my soul one goal to seek
This my solitary vision 

'til I only dwell in Thee

Hymm - Brooke Fraser

Monday, January 16, 2012

Where do I stand?

Lately i have been pondering a lot on this - where do i stand, in my family, in my studies, in my different surroundings eg Uni friends and my other Malaysian friends, as a senior or junior, and my other secret identity as a co-leader in my housechurch (ok now not so secret anymore) to my team and my other leaders. It's confusing, often when i stop and ponder and stare and let everything settle down and rethink again, it really doesn't bring me any further, i mean things might reveal themselves slowly but if i juz stood there and got stuck, what's the point? The fact is, keep walking, keep trusting and don't stop n stare too long.

As the germans say, macht weiter!